2 Useless Organisms
A topical comedic podcast from 2 Useless Organisms discussing a variety of topics that make no difference to their meaningless existence, featuring our rather unbelievable "Yelp Review" segment.
Episodes
54 episodes since 2020
Ep. 39: 2 Zukos, 1 Grease & Deadly Toddler Pilates
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss our dream fictional crossovers, justifying crimes & a smelly sunburnt feminist.
August 19, 2024
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35:31
Ep. 38: Salad Fingers, Olympic Chores & Swingin' Bobby Dayton
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss Salad Fingers, relatable Olympic sports, and stupid f*cking jazz.
March 30, 2024
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31:26
Ep. 37: Child Gladiators, Jupiter China & Ranking Tragedies
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss cloning ourselves as children and murdering ourselves, the financial value of tragedies, and celebrating Tommy’s culture.
February 05, 2024
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28:37
Ep. 36: Pants-Shitting Schedules, Finger Liquids & Rumpleforeskin's Lemon Sack
On this very special 50th episode the boys have recorded together, Tristan & Tommy discuss the ideal time to poop your pants (and pants are required), strategically picking liquids to shoot out of our fingers & a Yelp review from Trista...
November 20, 2023
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32:53
Ep. 35: Butthole Pancakes, Theme Park Shenanigans & Darcy Dewdrop's Probe
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss what we would have if we could have one million of something, what we've learned watching grown adults (sometimes) attempt to function appropriately in theme parks, and Tristan reads a Yelp rev...
September 18, 2023
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32:02
Ep. 34: Dying in Utah, Mega-Yachts & Tommy's Crohn's Disease
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss our who's careers and reputations we'd like to steal, how we would disappear and live off the grid, and Tristan reads a Yelp Review about this very podcast.
August 14, 2023
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33:00
Ep. 33: Legal Gladiators, Double Flicks & Partially Digested Beef Jerky
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss our favorite double-features, things that should be legalized and a lovesick truck stop worker.
July 31, 2023
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42:15
Ep. 32: Credit and Other Karma, George & Severed Head Puppets
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss our experience with karma, if we'd rather continue working for a large shitload of money or stop working for a small shitload of money, and Tristan reads a review of an averagely concerning new relig...
June 19, 2023
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31:05
Ep. 31: Wrestling Music, Cactus Poetry & Hitler's Bookstore
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss what our walk-on music would be if we were big, bad, scary & hairy wrestlers, we recite our favorite poems, and Tristan reads a Yelp review about a troublesome bookstore in Arkansas.
May 22, 2023
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35:12
Ep. 30: Christ is Risen, DeSantis is Dead & Wooden Hammers
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss the resurrection of Jesus Vs. The Beatles, and our favorite fictional worlds.
May 08, 2023
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35:52
Ep. 29: Murdering the World, GLASSGLASSGLASS & Daddy White King
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss how we would destroy the world if we were evil masterminds, bands we like that nobody else likes, and a Yelp review from the asshole of America, Florida.
April 17, 2023
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34:32
Ep. 28: Bill Cosby Coma, Celebrity Criminals & Meth Farts
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss what we would do if we woke up from a 10-year coma, our favorite celebrity criminals & Tristan reads a Yelp review about one smelly bakery in Georgia.
March 13, 2023
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36:05
Ep. 27: Special Guest Tom! Least Favorite Things, Brexit Breakfast & Lebanese Gypsy Movies
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy are joined by long-time supporter, fellow podcaster & childhood friend of Tristan, Tom (Host of the "Tall Tom's Thought Train" podcast, and new podcast coming to ear-holes soon)! The three T's discuss th...
February 27, 2023
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56:07
Ep. 26: Murdering Kanye, Buttcheeks & God Bless Candy del Dante
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss who we would have murdered if we didn't get caught, our favorite things (Tommy didn't put his family on his list), and a senselessly violent serial killer pageant (approved by President Biden).
January 30, 2023
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42:26
Ep. 25: It's Not a Phase Mom, A Brief History of Podcasting & Abe Lincoln's Nuts
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss our recent & self-destructive phases, the short history of podcasting & how it grew into today's giant industry, & Tristan reads a Yelp review from a super round-Earther.
January 16, 2023
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35:33
Ep. 24: Cringiest Sports Injuries, Nuclear Strike Survival Tactics & Stignarian Tooth Monsters
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss America's most dangerous jobs, some horrifying NFL & wrestling injuries, cantaloupes, Tristan gets deeply upset at the Waning Gibbous moon and the boys read a Yelp review about peeing in a bookst...
January 09, 2023
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36:38
Ep. 23: 2022 in Review, Behind the Scenes of Creating and Sustaining a Podcast & Casket Balls
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss the ups and downs of this year (which might’ve been crazier than 2020), a behind the scenes look at creating and sustaining our podcast, and Tristan reads a Yelp review about an abusive ping pong sto...
December 27, 2022
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37:08
Ep. 22: Letting Our Inner Karen Out, Retirement Dreams & A "Supreme" Cruise Line
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss times we had to be a Karen, why Spirit and Frontier sucks, our retirement dreams that we'll die before realizing, and a Yelp review for the "Ku Klux Klan Kruise Line".
December 12, 2022
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37:46
Ep. 21: Hurricane Google, The Juggernaut Jew & Father Hacksaw's Catholic Camp
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss our experience with Hurricane Ian as Floridians, childish things we do as adults, a brand-new sponsor gives us money & Tristan reads a Yelp review about a troublesome camp in Missouri.
October 03, 2022
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36:52
Ep. 20: Unusual Deaths & Disturbing Stats, 2000's Internet Culture & Blue-Jeans Methington
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss a history of unusual deaths, very disturbing statistics (looking at you Catholic Church), the modern "Wild West" that was the Internet in the 2000's, and a Yelp review of a lost album from 1986. ...
September 19, 2022
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37:38
Ep. 19: Rated R Kids Movies, The Best Dumps & Too Much Cake
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss adult movies we watched as children, what we love about pooping & fat people who need scooters.
August 29, 2022
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34:56
Ep. 18: Pretending to Be an Adult, Comfort TV & The Curse of Jimmy Carter
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss what it means to be an adult, our favorite comfort TV shows & movies, and Tristan reads a Yelp review about Jimmy Carter's Egyptian curse.
August 08, 2022
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32:23
Ep. 17: Stupid Pets, HAHAHAHAHAHA & A Cock-A-Doody Orphanage
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss our opinions on pets (Tristan's is so shocking OMG listen to find out), HAHAHAHAHA & selfish kids in need.
June 20, 2022
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27:17
Ep. 16: Dreams Don't Come True, Happy Water & Child Piñatas
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy discuss how our childhood dreams didn't amount to diddly-poo, the simple things in life that make us happy, and bugs.
May 23, 2022
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35:37
Ep. 15: Child Brides, HOOT-HOOT & Conspiracy Theories
On this episode, Tristan & Tommy are joined by their former co-host Eric to discuss their favorite conspiracy theories (Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself), what they waste their money on, and a sad story about a bottle opener.
May 09, 2022
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27:31